April poem 6: so many distractions

dear blue one,

I ask for you and you laugh.
you laugh some more and send 
orange flavored dark chocolate, pho, pithale, zhunka, movies, 
beef teriyaki, cha siu bao, cheesecake, achaar, movies, 
leafless trees, new leaves on trees, rhododendrons, movies, 
golden champak, tiger lillies, aurum lillies, irises, movies, 
van gogh, klimt, miro, kahlo, rodin, philppe starck, movies, 
larkspurs, blue lotuses, cherry blossoms, dandelions, movies, 
tiny kingfishers, sparrows, lovebirds, eagles in flight, movies, 
laugh lines, eyelashes, tears, snuggling, warm legs, movies,
whatsapp jokes, found poems, swallows, perfect toast, movies,
silly shaped clouds, monsters under my bed, shadows,movies,
sudoku, haiku, maple leaves in the fall, durga puja dhak, movies,
iskcon chants, shambho chants, avalokiteshwara chants, movies,
pinwheels, 99 red balloons, floating lanterns, silk kimonos, movies,
bamboo fountains, tatami houses, kintsukuroi pottery, movies,
shakespeare, tse, yeats, blake, basho, keats, matsuo, movies,
buttons, glitter, unused lipsticks, high heels, bracelets, movies,
dappled afternoons, light rains, craggy mountains, waterfalls, movies.
fountain pens, pretty notebooks, inks, crisp linen kurtas, movies,
sarcasm, giggles, self-deprecating jokes, smiles, winks, movies,
agni, memories of prakrit, makkhansingh...
i am distracted plenty. but i'm stubborn.
you know that, don't you?



  

april poems #5: Look

blue jacaranda

flowering,

despite the concrete.

little yellow butterflies

fluttering,

on the median in traffic.

man holding sign,

of love

under noonday sun.

whenever i want to stop breathing,

there’s a soft, nudge.

drop the knife and open your eyes.

April Poem 4: Water

i need water,

this summer has started too early,

i need water,

my soul feels parched,

i need water,

my skin feels thirsty,

i need water,

my tear ducts are dry too,

i need water,

to wash all my yesterdays away.

April 3: Poem: I want, I want

i want to write about children,

tearing around in the wind,

chasing red kites and pink balloons.

i want to be forwarding videos,

of pandas and cats and puppies,

prancing and dancing slo-motion.

i want to be happy for your photos,

against foreign skies, on beaches,

playing happy families and friends.

i want to smile more, dance again,

sing louder, breathe easier, and more,

let me learn to love myself first.

April 2 Poem: DEGCHI

my degchi feels empty right now,

i have used the last of the bread slices

to wipe the leftover masala clean,

there’s nothing, nothing left to give,

years have tarnished the once shiny outside,

it’s time i scrubbed it clean, outside and in,

the stains are so tough, cracks will show.

they say good cooks don’t use chemicals to scour

their degchis, it takes away years of skill,

and love poured into the dishes cooked,

each dish a living, breathing experience,

built on what went before,

when do they know it’s time to hang it up?

i look at own old, greying crock pot,

holding it under cold running water,

feeling the cracks made by heated

arguments and unsavory relationships,

how long will it last? how long will i?

april is poetry writing month. poem #1

when you fail at crossword

fail at sudoku

you put the pen down.

what do you give up

when you fail at relationships?

if i could paint...

if i could paint,

i would use my fingers,

paintbrushes cannot feel

that burnt sienna slithering,

sliding, settling into the grooves

of fingertips and between nails

before marking an impression

on the empty canvas.

i bought a smock and took classes

so i could feel the crushed charcoal

smooth underneath my fingers

and spread on the page

i practiced the delicate touch

and manipulated water to spread color

where i wanted to.

do you not see, my love is not acrylic

it is living water, coal, oil.

i need you to understand why  

i’m not a pristine, empty canvas

i’ve been painted over, discarded even

no spring colors will make an impression

you will see winter grays when my fingers pour

my heart out, squeeze dark colors of my soul.