Advice To Anita, Newly Married

Get used to sindoor.

It’ll itch at first. Put lots.

So when your head is bowed,

It will stop his brothers

From embracing you.

Get used to oil in hair.

And tie a neat plait.

Open hair is easy to pull

It will bring you down.

That hurts, that hurts.

Get used to glass bangles.

They break if anyone drags you

It will hurt you, but it will hurt them more.

Be careful with your husband though,

He will slap you if it hurts him.

Get used to wearing payals.

The bells will alert your husband.

If he’s with servant girl, wait till he’s finished.

Don’t throw the milk at his face.

You’ll have to pick up the pieces.

I’m telling this for your own good.

I’m telling this again and again.

You dress up so he can undress you.

And pray hard he gets bored soon

Then you go to the kitchen, and breathe.

Alcohol Myopia

He says,’You’re good enough

For a quick fuck,

There’s no forever more,’

I say, ‘You shouldn’t say this

To anyone, let alone

To someone who grew up

Counting to ten.’

He says,’Let’s do it

One last time, come on babes’

I say,’You had two beers,

I had six glasses of wine,

You’d better look up alcohol myopia

When you’re done texting

That new Malayali chick you’ve found.’

I must’ve found strength

I must’ve found courage

Before I crashed out on the sofa.

The cops broke the front door found me there

Said, 'Madam aap idhar pade ho

Saab balcony se girke off ho gaya.'    

I look at the pigeon net on the balcony.

It’s broken. Dammit.

Will need to call pest control.